you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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