We're facebook friends in real life
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Too much gin, very little bucket
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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