Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
