i think i have herpe
just one?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
