It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize