don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
