My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
