When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize