i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
this will be a night to untag.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
