just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
