i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I still have a little drunk in my system
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
