You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
