I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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