It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
