And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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