me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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