Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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