Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize