He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
