Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
