If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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