at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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