Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
