Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
