Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
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Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
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When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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