He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
