I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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