ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
