Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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