can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
