I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.