Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i want to fuck
it's pretty self explanatory
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Is it because I queefed?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.