if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro