Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...