Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
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Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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