I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
