Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
