awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
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Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
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My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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