Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
