Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
