How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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