It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
