And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
