last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
