I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
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Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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