____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
