i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
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You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
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University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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