he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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