from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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