Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
