if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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