Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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