I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
