i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
