I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
