Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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